We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize