lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
