So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
