you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
