We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
