Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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