Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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