he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
