I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
