i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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