Please, let me fuck your mom
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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