last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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