sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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