The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize