can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
