I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize