Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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