it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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