drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
