she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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