hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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