ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize