i already hear my dad disowning me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
