she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
