it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
