we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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