and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
