I love having hate sex.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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