Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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