$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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