it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
