3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
