I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
