the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
