watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
