nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
there is glitter all over my balls
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
