So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
