I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
