When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
