Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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