Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my shit smells like andre
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
