so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
