why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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