Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
