a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
