4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
