dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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