Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
