it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
