Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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