census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
