My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
