Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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