Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
