I bet he comes in French.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
