the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
