Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
