My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
