I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
