That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
