Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
