My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
