I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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