idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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