I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
