My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
