is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
