i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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