Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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