Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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