what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
