I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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